Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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