I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
