He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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