You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
