I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize