Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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