he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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