My friends, they love my intelligence
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
