Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
