You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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