Be still, my beating vagina.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
