I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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