I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
