if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
