He kissed a someone with a penis
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She's not a foreskin expert like you
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
