I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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