remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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