Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
