hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
