Jerry, you need to find god
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
