dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
