I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
