when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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