I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
