my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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