forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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