My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
