Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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