quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
