Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Enjoy the penises
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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