I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
how drunk are you?
Several
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
