"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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