You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
