just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
