Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
