If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
