Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
