Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
