4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
