My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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