We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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