if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
