did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my being single is dangerous.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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