I look better un-naked...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
