After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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