If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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