dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize