I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
