You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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