VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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