i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
pop tarts are not kleenex
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
