My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
