i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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