sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
