Non-Jews are for practice
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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