my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
