You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
