Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
