Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
