Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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