she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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