I faked an abortion last night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
