quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
