Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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