she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize