i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
