are you still at the devil's house?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
