I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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