You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
