dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
