Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
