Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
not ubering you a puppy
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
