i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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