I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
