why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
