We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize